Testing Survey: Take before FRIDAY!

Wouldn't it be nice if my 5th graders could be tested for 5th grade reading after they've had a school year of learning at the 5th grade level? It makes sense to me... but unfortunately, NY kids take the ELA in January (not even halfway through the school year.)

Want to change this? We go to school until the end of June, but the state assesses our kids for English Language Arts almost 6 months before the school year is over and in math 4 months before the year is over.

Click here to take the survey and share your opinions about when the State Tests should be administered (sadly "NEVER" isn't an option...) There's an article here about it....

Wish I Knew Nothing

Sometimes, I wish I were oblivious to the problems with the economy and the threat of losing my job. Reading the news stories that said my job would be cut... Then hearing it at school... 1st, 2nd, 3rd year teachers you're as good as gone... I've not felt this anxiety, this lack of control, this fear of something being so unknown and unsure.

Now, it's been said we (1st, 2nd, 3rd year teachers) are "safe"... the stimulus funding will help... but I'm again just a 1st year teacher in the city... am I really safe? My name is Low on the seniority list. (I mean LOW as in at the bottom, almost.)

Weingarten is right. Teachers start hearing they'll be losing their jobs, and we all start thinking about what to do, where to go, etc. etc... which means, we are Not putting all of our energy into teaching our students who desperately need all the teaching time they can get (at least mine do!).

The whole "not enough" thing scares me, because as I said, I'm the bottom of the totem pole. This is when I wish I knew nothing. This issue of layoffs is so far out of my control. There isn't a thing I can do to prepare myself. I try to push it out of my mind... I'm trying to be optimistic.

Teaching in this city is 100 times more stressful than I ever wish upon anyone.

What Will Pull Me Through

As I previously posted, I was very sad to see the end of this week. Most teachers, outside the city, wouldn't even think of the last week as anything particularly special. Most teachers inside the city live for a week like last week... a week of No School!

I had a most amazing time being off work. I think I was in heaven. I realized though, as I come down off my happy high, I will begin to slump into a low... a sad, depressing low. Hopefully, as the children come back to school this next week, they'll be calm and almost zombie-ish from having no set sleep schedule over the last week. The calm will help ease me back into the school mode, as I'm sure I'll seem a zombie right along with them.

January and the first part of February seemed to zoom right past because I did a good job of setting up something to look forward to that helped pull me right through. Now, I am beginning to build myself up again with something to look forward to...

1. Spring Break... It's not until April... about 6 and a half weeks away. But it does last for a week and a couple days. I have no particular plans, but who needs them when you live in NYC.

2. The end of the school year... The end of June. 124 days, counting weekends and all. (all according to the countdown I started last month!)

3. A mental health day in March. I think I might need one. 6 weeks without one day off... not sure I'll actually survive it (sounds pathetic compared to people who work the normal 9 to 5... but I'd trade them to work in an office over my school anytime!). I've been planning to take one anyway... I'll have to start looking at the schedule and set a day for the middle of March, maybe at the 3 week mark. (How sad am I? I never took or thought about mental health days before... This year, I've had to.)

4. Field trips. We have a few scheduled between now and Spring Break and a few scheduled after Spring Break. I haven't posted about my happy thoughts that come when I think of field trips (post to come soon), but I must say, they make my teaching in NYC worth it (Almost, I think!)

There are 4 things to pull me through. I think I'll try to add a few small things in each week (that one T.V. show we watch every week, later mornings on Friday so I can get a wonderful coffee drink, special get-togethers or trips...)

Anybody else have things they must think about to survive the job? I've always had them, but never used them as such a crutch... such a lifeline.

Sad to See Friday

This may be the first Friday in a long time that I am sad to see come. I have completely enjoyed having the week off away from school. I actually haven't had a thought of it all week, until last night... Of course that led to less sleep and stressful dreams... It's all coming back... but I'm pushing school out of my thoughts until Sunday evening (as best I can!)

Hope all of you other NYC teachers have been enjoying your break as well!

The Day Before Valentine's Day

In an elementary school, I would Expect Valentine's Day to be celebrated. It, along with so many other holidays, is celebrated across the country in elementary classrooms for children to enjoy. Since it's on Saturday this year, today is the day of the big party.

In all of our excitement, we informally planned a little celebration. We asked our kiddos to bring treats if they pleased and planned a fun game to play for the last 45 minutes or so of class. It was to work out perfectly, celebrating the sweet holiday at the end of our day right before a week off. Well... I should never get pumped up for anything, because this school has the intention of ruining all happiness and sucking joy right out of our very souls. (I'm dramatic, but with reason.)

This morning, as the charms carried in their bags of snacks and treats, and piled them on the snack table, my supervisor entered the room and demanded I talk to her. She asked if our class had planned a party, and with a smile I informed her it was to be at the very end of the day. She got gruff with me and informed that we had not informed her of this party and now it would not be taking place. We didn't give her notice and our custodians had no idea, so therefore, we were not to have the party at the end of the day.

I apologized. I thought if I explained it had completely slipped my mind... I mean, we had gone to ask her permission for every other time we'd done this and she'd smiled and agreed without issue. Now, because we didn't give her the "power" she felt deserved, we were refused the party.

Furious at the thought... What did she think we would be doing today? Is she so dim that she forgot she works in an elementary school where the celebration of Valentine's Day and other such holidays brings great joy to children??... I mean, I couldn't have imagined NOT celebrating the holiday as a child (my heart would have broken). AHHH. This place makes me ABSOLUTELY CRAZY.

We hunted down the custodians, multiple custodians. We asked for permission and a few supplies so we could make sure to clean up after our party. They looked at us like we were nut jobs... what did they care if we had a party and why the hell were we asking them if it was ok? Frankly, it had nothing to do with them. It was a case of someone wanting to show off the power they have over us lowly teachers... I mean, we are going to be gone for a week... who's this person going to have to degrade for the week? God. I need this break. I'm going to spend the week forgetting how unbelievably horribly my school is... 132 days until summer.

Observation Anxiety

I was observed, officially. I was given less than a day's notice that I would be meeting for the pre-observation meeting. It frustrated me, because as I was rushing out of the building to go enjoy my evening plans (that I'd had made weeks prior), I was stopped and told I needed to have a typed lesson ready to go for the next morning.

I've been avoiding and praying against an observation because I've heard such horrible things about the observer's feedback. Through the whole process, I was an absolute nervous wreck. I couldn't sleep at night... When I was sleeping, I was having nightmares of how my lesson would go. I was dreaming that I couldn't see to be able to read the lesson and teach. On top of my anxiety, I was actually sick and should not have been at school by any means.

The worst part of it all is that I actually have Never been afraid of being observed before... all this stress and anxiety was new to me. This school and the people I work with make me feel so incompetent (probably because of their own incompetence - ok I'm being cruel... these thoughts should be kept inside my head, but I guess this is why I have a blog.) I have been observed so many times... I'm fairly new out of college, and my college definitely had a system set up for watching their teachers. In my first job last year, my principal was in my classroom watching me teach almost daily. I also had other amazing veteran teachers in my room every day (usually at 2 different times a day) watching me teach. Like I said before, I'm not the type to get nervous about being seen teaching... I've never felt the anxiety I went through with this observation.

I survived it though. I don't want to do it again. I don't formally know how I did, but rumor is I did good. Hopefully good enough for an "S" as I don't want to be a teacher with a "U" right now... with the talk of layoffs I need to look as good as possible!

The worst part of it was the anxiety and the doubt I put in myself. I hate this place for bringing me to the point that I doubt my abilities as a teacher. I have never had a bad observation - maybe I received some constructive criticism - which I'm ALL about. I always want to get better and I know I'm not the best... but this time, I really thought I would fail. I really thought I couldn't teach.

This job is hard (understatement). No one said it would be easy though.

Letting My Children Go

Since the new year started, we've had to start letting some of our kids go during one of our Math teaching times. During this time, the kids we picked out, who could use some extra support, but aren't our lowest, leave with a teacher for a short time while we work in our classroom with the rest of our group. Unfortunately, the teacher works on whatever it is she is told to (by some super power or something??? principal I guess)... I have no say in what it is she is to work on... Which DRIVES ME CRAZY! I know my students, I know what they have been taught this year and what they need to be taught and need to practice before that March Math test comes. Only recently was I was given a bit of a heads up on what the students were working on, and frankly, I think it's worthless. I think it's a waste of time, and I am pretty sure this teacher is Not doing as good of a job with my students as I could be doing. I don't mean to be ... mean, but if I am the one who is being held accountable, I would like to be the one who is directing their learning path.

Originally, the teacher would come into the classroom and work with the students. Our room is tiny and when this teacher is working with the group we have picked, she does it as if there is no one else in the room. During the times that she is in the room, I've had to ask her to be quiet multiple times, but I've tried to do it in a respectful way that didn't seem like I was directly asking her (I need Everyone to be quiet please. I'm waiting for everyone to stop talking. If Anyone needs to talk, please do it in a whisper!) Multiple times she has disrupted our learning to discuss something that has Nothing to do with the lesson... Plus, she distracting enough that she distracts ME, I can't imagine the trouble my students with focus issues have trying to pay attention to what's really important!

The idea of having someone work with my students in a small setting would be a great one... if they had a teacher who was a master teacher in the subjects on the grade level. The teacher doesn't seem to have a hand on the subject matter at my class's level nor the behavior management of the level (and it's not surprising, considering that most of her experience is grade levels far below ours). It bothers me to no end to think that my students are losing quality learning time to work on something that I honestly don't feel will benefit them as much as what we are doing in class. What can I do though? Sadly, the minutes in the day run out too quickly... I just hope that I can make it up to them, eventually.