I'm not happy with my job. Ask my husband, my friends, my family. They are soon not going to even ask about work, because I get emotional and worked up when I am asked to go into detail about what's pushed me to the unhappiness I feel. I'm so unhappy that I have spent the weekend dreading Monday, dreading going back.
But I can't do this. I can't let myself build up so much dread and dissatisfaction for the job I must go to, at least until the end of June. It's way too early. I must find something to keep me going. I must do something in my classroom that pulls me back each day and gives me something to look forward to when I jump on that subway, when I climb the stairs of the bus, when I walk through the classroom doors, when I see the faces of my students as they enter the room.
I'm stuck in a hard spot. My goal this week is to find a way out of the constant dread... or at least a plan to calm it down a bit. I'm also going to start to push myself towards making a list of the great things that happen throughout my school day. So even if it is a horrible day, I at least have a few good things to think of when I'm falling asleep at the end of the day. (Maybe it will help me stop dreaming of the impossible transfer I keep dreaming of making -- the one to my former school in the Midwest... In my dreams, it seems so easy. Unfortunately, in reality, the commute is impossible.)
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2 hours ago
2 comments:
One thing that helped me was to simply stop talking about my job with people who are not colleagues. Unless someone really wants to know what it's like, I don't go there. I just simply say that it's hard work and that the kids are great. I might mention the "system" but I don't go into detail. Even with my boyfriend, I don't talk about work. It depresses him and he feels helpless. I basically use the blog to vent.
did you get into my head somehow?? i'm so sorry your experience has been sucky. but again, i'm glad you had a better week after this.
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