A couple of days before school started a young, experienced teacher explained how we should make sure we go into the classroom without a smile on our faces. She told us about how she was called "cool" by one of her students and how badly it ended up turning out because the student then thought they could do as they please. I've heard things like this before - people say not to smile for the first three months, and I've never been able to understand why someone would even think that is effective. Until I was called "nice" by a few kiddos yesterday, and I began to realize that my niceness needs to be put on a shelf for a while and the strict, mean teacher somewhere inside of me needs to jump out and nip any thoughts of misbehaving right in the bottom! (Too bad the kids have no recess to run off all of their energy... against the law in Kansas - we couldn't technically keep the kids in for recess there. I'm going to do some research on this, but there isn't a lot the school can do about it. The playground isn't the safest place for the kids. I guess last year a shooting took place in the neighborhood when kids were out. We'll just have to put movement into our classroom lessons, while still hoping our kids don't get too out of control.)
I am torn and a little sad at the thought that these students cannot handle me being me as a teacher. They've had strict disciplinarians in the past, and it's probably the best way to ensure for a successful school year. It's just a bit more intense than I had hoped or planned. When would I have ever imagined that being called "nice" would backfire on me?! Hopefully in the next few months I can be nice again, but for now, I'm all business, and I'm going to start making sure that a few particular boys are aware of this... Starting at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow. (This whole situation makes me wonder, are they this way because their past school experiences with strict teachers or are the teachers this way because of the students... Or maybe they are just this way with Ms. B and I because they know we are new and still unsure about what in the world is going on!) And another thought - maybe I'm still stuck back at the end of last year with my last group. We had developed a classroom environment that was very comfortable, and the students could handle me being fun, silly, and myself. I hope it comes with time, actually I'm sure it will.
This will be a trying year, I can already tell. Tonight, I'm exhausted and just want to go to bed. I am actually already looking forward to the weekend so I can take a second to breath and sleep. Although I didn't get home until 7:30 p.m. I beat Seth home. As I sat, eating warmed-up leftover pizza and watching the news, I thought about the kids I'm working with, and I felt my heart break as I thought about some of their situations... and even more as I thought about how hard it is for me to relate or understand. There is a large percentage of the student population infected with HIV and another large percentage of students living in homeless shelters. Another teacher was telling me about how kids move in and out of the school as they move from shelters to other living situations or other shelters. I don't know my students' stories, but I hope to learn more about them as the school days go on, and maybe they can teach me a thing or two about life (as the contract written by a group of my fifth graders states - "Teachers should learn from the students")... This teacher is ready to learn.
O and on a side note... I spotted my first two mice (or one mouse twice?) tonight. Ms. B and I were planning in our corner when I saw the little rodents run about a half a foot from my own feet. As you can assume, we hurried through the rest of our planning and headed out.
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